Kates lesbian open diary

6/1/2009
Pat did arrive yesterday, only she managed to do it a few hours earlier than she said she would. I was still in my PJ’s (it being Sunday and all) and still sipping my coffee on the patio. I answered the door after Catfish’s howl alerted me to an intruder. Catfish took an immediate dislike to Pat. Something she has never really done before. I found it amusing. Pat wondered if I could keep the little mutt out of her room. I told her she was on her own. She told me I had changed to which I replied, “Thank god!” I have the distinct feeling this is not going to go well.

6/10/2009
I was right. This isn’t going well with Pat. The first few days were okay. She went off to work and I moped about not being able to go off to work. I did make a half hearted attempt to search the want ads. I did put my name on the list at the graphics design temps I worked for before. But I couldn’t really get with the program. My mind kept returning to Pat. How did I feel about her? How do I feel about her now? The first week I was confused about my feelings because Pat was pretty nice to me. She brought home take-out dinners and we ate and talked together. It wasn’t like old times although we did the same things we used to do. It was more like two sisters coming together to give each other a few moments of rest and comfort. But then the weekend came and Pat disappeared Friday only to return Sunday night with a “fuck-buddy.” This somehow disturbed me and I’m still not sure why. I tried to talk to her about it but she dismissed me as being jealous. But I’m not jealous. I’m annoyed that my home has become a place for casual sex. So now Pat comes home from work, goes straight to her room, closes the door and talks on the phone for endless hours. She waits for me to go to bed before she tip-toes down to the kitchen for food. I’m too old for this kind of crap.

6/18/2009
I finally asked Pat to leave. This time it was my decision and sincere desire. I hate it when you look into the eyes of an old love and wonder what in the world did you see in her before. It took me three years to be able to say her name without hurting and now I don’t want her any where near me, my dog, or my home. I can’t yet tell if this is a gift or a curse from the universe, but it is what it is. Pat, of course, accused me of being immature, stuck in the past, jealous, and vindictive. And I replied by saying, “It doesn’t matter what I am or am not, I need you to leave by next week.” I can’t tell you how good all this feels. Now I don’t have to spend the day at the library searching the want ads. I can do it in the comfort of my own back yard.